Praia Da Vila, Santa Catarina, Brazil
I arrived in Brazil just in time to watch the 2nd round of the Billabong Pro. The Big Dogs all bounced back. Everything is back to normal. Slater looks like he is on a mission. Taj whipped some ass in round 2 even though he is a little gimpy. Jordy ‘Nightstalker’ Smith is coming on again. Round three should be fun.
Have you ever wondered why Mick holds his beer like Stephen Hawking?
I spent three hours last night in search of Eugene…. No luck. I did see Mick and wanted to ask him if I could buy him a drink but he has become a name caller. But I want to tell Fanning this… Stick and Stones brother… I made eye contact a couple of times with Fucknutz and I got the evil eye from the Aussie. What’s up with that shit. I would throw down with Mick any day of the week. Surfing… Drinking… Ping Pong… Marbles…. I’ll beat his ass at any challenge. Bring it!
There is one thing that is kool when hanging out with Mick and that is trying to get Eugene to come out and play. Eugene is the bomb. Fucker can party the hell out of a keg. Mick would be about as fun as hanging out with Stephen Hawking and discussing nuclear fission.
You know you want me....
I looked for Slater for a little while but no luck with that. I really want to hang out with Kelly. Slater has amazing taste in women. Hell, with those eyes of his, I might bed him. Ok, not really but you get it. I did hear that Brodie Carr has a spy out in Brazil following Kelly around. Wanting to make sure that Slater isn’t having and rebel meetings again this year. I love Slater’s way of doing things his way and shaking shit up. Brodie should be thankful at the least. Maybe even change the name from the ASP to the KSP… Just a thought after my third Jack Daniels.
I did run into Chas Smith in the hotel lobby. Chassy was drunker than Cooter Brown. The guy had two clove cigarettes hanging out of his mouth. Both were lit. I asked him what he was working on and he said his 5th Vodka Tonic… Smith told me that he had just seen Adriano de Souza hanging out in the hotel bar. I looked for him but everyone else in the bar was at least 5’ 7” or taller and so I couldn’t see him. Chas proceeded to stand in the lobby throwing pennies at the children. The man should be a reliever for the Dodgers as he nailed one boy right in his eye. But then missed another boy and hit Tanner Gudauskas in the back of the head. Chassy is a mean fucker when on the Vodka.
Jordy pimping the zoot suit of Love
I heard that Jordy was hanging around a local disco club so I ran to see for myself. I could see him in an all white zoot suit. Black hat and all. Jordy was pure pimp. He heard there was a group of cougar tourists in from Canada. That boy’s cougar radar goes off at the first sign of poontang. If you’ve never seen Smith dance, you are in for a real treat. Think Pee Wee Herman tripping on LSD…
Parko couldn’t be found. Probably working on his game plan for knocking off Matt Wilkinson for round three. Parko is technically sound and never goes into a match unprepared.
Taylor Knox - MMA Fighter or ASP Surfer???
Heard the Taylor Knox was out an about and wanted to tail him for awhile. Then someone told me that Taylor wanted to fight me. Not sure why but I am ready. Taylor Knox looks like he should be fighting in the UFC instead of surfing in the ASP.
With that shit, here are you match-ups for the 3rd round of the Billabong Pro bitches.
BILLABONG SANTA CATARINA PRO ROUND 3 MATCH-UPS:
Heat 1: Bobby Martinez (USA) vs. Luke Munro (AUS)
Heat 2: Damien Hobgood (USA) vs. Jadson Andre (BRA)
Heat 3: Kieren Perrow (AUS) vs. Michel Bourez (PYF)
Heat 4: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Matt Wilkinson (AUS)
Heat 5: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Patrick Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 6: Dane Reynolds (USA) vs. Kekoa Bacalso (HAW)
Heat 7: C.J. Hobgood (USA) vs. Tom Whitaker (AUS)
Heat 8: Taj Burrow (AUS) vs. Travis Logie (ZAF)
Heat 9: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Neco Padaratz (BRA)
Heat 10: Taylor Knox (USA) vs. Tiago Pires (PRT)
Heat 11: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)
Heat 12: Fredrick Patacchia (HAW) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)
Heat 13: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Tanner Gudauskas (USA)
Heat 14: Chris Davidson (AUS) vs. Daniel Ross (AUS)
Heat 15: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Ben Dunn (AUS)
Heat 16: Adrian Buchan (AUS) vs. Roy Powers (HAW)
