The Parrot and the Rabbit
I spent a couple of weeks in Santa Cruz last year. It was my first time to that area. It was cool in a retro-cool kind of way. I really dug the scene. Good people in that area too.
One afternoon I went down to grab a bite to eat at a small mom and pop place near the beach. It was an old filling station that had been converted over to a small restaurant. It was called Lazy Larry’s Lunch Station. It sat about 25 or so people. They served the traditional home cooking style food. Meatloaf. Soups and Stews. Hell, the owner even made his own beer in the back. Lazy Larry’s Luger Lager. Tasted like camel piss though. Yes, I know. I’ve tasted camel’s piss and it tastes like Larry’s brew filtered through dirty socks.
I filled myself up with some grub and went up front to pay my bill. Larry’s wife, Leana was working the register and had to run into their storeroom to get register tape or some shit like that. So I waited.
The lobby reminded me of a Cracker Barrel restaurant. Fucking nick-knacks all over the place. It was like a garage sale or something in there. Smelled like an old Army-Navy surplus store. And I just ate here?
I hear a voice over in the corner. “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”….
I walk over to the corner since I was STILL WAITING. In the corner of the room was a large bronze cage. Inside it sat on fucking ugly ass parrot. An African Grey with half of his feathers pulled out. That bird looked as if he had been on a bird-bender for a couple of weeks. Hell, it looked like I did this morning when I woke up from fighting with a fifth of Jack Daniels all night.
There was a small wooden sign that hung on the front of the cage. It read “Brodie”.
ME: Hey Brodie. Look like you’ve had a rough time mate.
Bird: “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”…
ME: Rabbit? No, you’re a bird. An ugly bird at that.
Bird: “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”…
ME: Retard! You’re a damned bird!
Bird: “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”…
ME: Brodie want a cracker?
Bird: “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”… “Rabbit”…
ME: Rabbit Rabbit Rabbit… Is that all you can say?
I begin to walk away when I then hear the featherbrain squawk…
Bird: “Wayne Rabbit Bartholomew is the world’s greatest surfer mate!”
ME: What the fuck?!?!?!
Bird: “Wayne Rabbit Bartholomew is the world’s greatest surfer mate!”
ME: Really? You don’t say?
The Rabbit
I reached into my backpack and grabbed six Alka Seltzers out of my hangover kit. I made sure no one was looking and dropped them into his food bowl. I slowly turned and started to walk out.
ME: Hey Brodie…. Fuck the Rabbit! Shaun Tomson was the man!
I left not even feeling guilty. That bird needed to be put out of his misery. First, for the bad haircut. Second for the bad taste in classic pro surfers.
I take it this story is a dizz on Wayne Rabbit Bartholomew. Well let me tell you, next to the Duke himself, the Rabbit has given more to professional surfing than anyone alive.
Why I knew the Rabbit when he was using a long board. He was only 7 yrs old the first time he mixed it up in the surf. You are talking about a legend dude! But maybe it was a good thing that you put the bird down. He would have died young anyways, living in a bar.