Pro Surfing Christmas List

Pro Surfing Christmas List

The Christmas season is here. Let’s see what some of the people in pro surfing have asked Santa for….

Kelly Slater: Rebel Tour kick the hell out of the ASP, Wishes Brodie Carr would catch Syphilis.

Joel Centeio: Already got his for the next three years…. Enjoy it.

Jordy Smith: Sense of Humor, Condoms, KY, Duct Tape, Condoms, Hand Cuffs, Kama Sutra Video Series, That DemonFactory would fucking take him off of their radar.

Joel Parko: For Slater to get what he asks for. Wishes something a little bad happen to Brodie Carr.

Blasphemy Rottmouth: Wishes Chas Smith would kick Brodie Carr in the sackage. Hard and often.

Jamie O’Brien: For people to basically Fuck Off, Anything as long as it includes Red Bull, A Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun, To be able to Moto without the MGR flipping out

Jamie O’Brien’s MGR: Also for people to basically Fuck Off, Food that has ZERO fat grams, Anything that includes; Rusty, Red Bull, Etnies, Arnette, Boost, To decline anything that JO’B wants that he may have fun with, An Unlimited Bar Tab at Turtle Bay.

Boardistan: Wishes someone would show them how to loosen the fuck up.

Brodie Carr: That Kelly Slater was brain dead, Another year without Fanning figuring out that the ASP is scripted like NASCAR and Wrestling.

Adriano de Souza: Another 5″ in height, DC or Vans to make Platform Shoes, Ban that ‘Short People Got No Reason….’ song, People to stop calling him Tattoo and saying “Da Plane”.

Jake Howard: A cabbie hat like Jon Coen, To move his profile pic above Coen’s on ESPN’s Surfing Site, Hoping to stay out of trouble so that he can become ESPN’s Beachfront report for the Rebel Tour.

Jon Coen: That everyone would quit fucking with him about the Cab Driver Hat, To Keep Jake Howard below him on the profile page.

Jed Smith: To be more like Derek Rielly, To be more like Chas Smith, To be more like Dion Agius.

Zac Weisberg: That someone would know who the hell he is.

Daniel Russo: To Catch Jamie O’Brien naked just one time while he had his camera on him, wishes the haters would fukc off about his spelling.

Lewis Samuels: Wants to a new website called www. I-may-have-made-a-mistake-closing-my-website-down. com

Damo Hobgood: That he wasn’t CJ’s brother.

Derek Rielly: A lifetime membership to NAMBLA, That Brodie Carr would start Autoerotic Asphyxiation as a new hobby, Also wishes Russo would catch JO’B naked with a camera.

Jimmy ‘Jimmicane‘ Wilson: His Jags to move to LA so he can quit traveling, Rob Machado’s hair, A little R E S P E C T, Wants first dibs on Russo’s naked pics of anyone.

Makua Rothman: More magazine covers, Wishes to go on more trips with Russo and O’Brien.

Mick Fanning: An exciting personality without having to drink, That Brodie Carr would be promoted to God or Obama status.

CJ Hobgood: Whatever Damo gets but a little better.

Chas Smith: A case of Russian Vodka, 2 Iranian Hookers and 1 Condom, The LA Dodgers to actually make it back to the World Series in his lifetime, Wishes Brodie Carr would quit dressing like he was 9 years old.

Taylor Steele: Wants to make a Reality Show with Surf Photogs called ‘Shifty Photog Island’.

Wayne Rabbit Bartholomew: That everyone would forget that he was ever a part of the ASP, That Brodie Carr would close the ASP and catch Chlamydia.

Chris Cote: That Surfing Magazine would stop poaching his shit, That Jimmicane would get crabs from that one-legged Jamaican hooker, Wishes Daniel Russo would catch crabs with Jimmicane, wants a personal meeting with Makua Rothman, Wants to remain a secret part of surfing’s underground.

Rob Machado: Wishes everyone would just slow down and chill out, Sell more copies of The Drifter, Wishes Brodie Carr chokes on his own chicken.

SteveNug: Wants Russo to get pics of Alana Blanchard. Wants a slightly soiled pair of Alana’s panties… Ok, HEAVILY SOILED, Thinks Brodie Carr is ok but is interested in seeing the man choke on his own chicken.

DemonFactory Wishes Jordy Smith would come over to the dark side, Wishes Mick Fanning would spend a week with JO’B to learn to loosen up, Wishes Derek Rielly would quit texting pics of his ‘fish’ to us, Wishes Daniel Russo would answer his Q & A questions before the surfing is extinct, Wishes JO’Bs MGR would also finish his Q & A questions before the oceans dry up, Wishes Chas Smith would take pictures of Russo naked so we can Photoshop JO’Bs head onto them and sell to Cote and Jimmicane……

Sexy Christmas

~RS