Jordy Smith

Dear Jordy,

It has come to my attention that you have ‘blocked’ me on Twitter. I know that I have bashed you in the past. I have kicked you when you were down. Ok, maybe not kicked you but sure took my jabs at you. Did I take it overboard? Possibly. But it was all in good fun.

Over the last several weeks, my opinion regarding you has changed. Modern Collective… Fucking Phenomenal. With regards to the ASP, I think you could quite possibly be the next champion. Your surfing is incredible to watch. You are helping to take surfing to a whole new level.

Let’s look at all of the things that we have in common….

1. We both like to surf. You’re just a shitload better than me. And the only thing my surfing skillz have ever won for me are the love of a 22 year old Columbian girl. You can help me with this piece.

2. We both like chicks. I may be a little better in that department. I can give you some pointers like wearing the correct ‘eye protection’ during gang-bangs. How to score a Manajatwa in foreign countries without a passport. Or how to trick a woman into back-door every time.

3. Mick Fanning. We both don’t like him. We both get bored watching his banal surfing sucking the life out of everyone. We could exchange Fanning jokes over a few beers. That would be good times.

Let’s do this thing Jordy. Let’s be buds. Better yet… Let’s be Twitter buddies. We would be like Pen Pals. We could laugh and goof around back and forth on there. I could give you some good stuff to tweet. I could tell you who is worth following. I would almost immediately have you start following @ChassySmith from Likebitchin.com the World famous Surf Blogger – @SteveNug from Nugable.com and @WhoisJOB. There are also a few others but we will start you here.

Hey, we could our names tattooed on each other’s arms. We could go cruizing together down the PCH. I’ve got a bitchin VW Golf convertible that’s perfect. Maybe we could get a couple of those moped’s like Jamie O’Brien uses to practice motocross?!?! Man, we will have so much fun together.

I can teach you some about some of the other finer things in life…. Like which mushrooms are safe and which ones are toxic…. When you are in Mexico, which Donkey Shows are real and which ones are ripoffs…. The art of beer bongs…. How to duck-dive on twins without the jealousy.

Martin & Lewis

So let’s just squash this thing between you and I. Jordy, I now have you in my Elite 3 Surfers…. Jamie O, Machado and you! Remember, it’s not just about surfing, it’s the entire style that completes the person. You have ‘IT’! Jordy, you are like a block of clay that I really want to mold…. Wait! That didn’t come out right. We could be the next Martin & Lewis… Abbott & Costello… Cagney & Lacey… (Google them and then you will know)

As my uncle Lou Reed once wrote… “Hey Babe, take a walk on the wildside“.

So what do you say Jordy? Let’s step over to the wildside. Trust me man…. I’m here for you!

Jordy, please circle one: YES – NO – MAYBE

Your Future BFF,

Rusty Steele

Rusty Steele

PS: I like you!

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