Jordy Smith

WTF??? Why in the hell is Jordy currently ranked 10th on the ASP tour with only the Pipe event remaining? Why is it when he is on tour, his surfing is of the Mundane? It’s Boring… It’s Lethargic… It’s Fannish…. Maybe he sees that Mick Fanning is on pace to win another title and surfs with a boring style and figures that he should do the same thing?!?!

How exciting would the ASP be with Jordy running his air madness at each event??? We decided to study Smith both during the events and free surfing. Here’s what we found….

During the ASP Touring events, Jordy will abstain from his devious habits of trolling for cougars so that he can focus on the event at hand. This is causing Jordy’s extraordinarily large production of sperm to back-up in his body and overflowing into his brain. If Smith doesn’t ‘purge’ his testicles at least 4 to 5 times a day, his mind can’t function properly. His thinking becomes clouded. His judgement is not quick. He is off balance.

His thoughts are purely on needing to pound the Nookie. Boobs, Handjobs, 69ers and 71ers, Backdoor Sallys, Blowjobs, Ejaculatin, Golden Showers and Fruitful Flowers….

No Sex during events = Cluttered Mind & Airless Surfing

When Jordy is not surfing ASP events, he is free to be Jordy. He can fuck and get sucked all he wants. Free to chase hot cougars all night. His semen levels are kept and a safe level which in turns allows him to kill it in the water. Smith’s mind is free. His nutsack on empty. He can focus completely on surfing and his performance shows it!

Look at the Prince of Poontang, Kelly Slater. He’s been the hottest surfer for years. This guy gets more ass than a Priest on a weekend Acolyte trip. Slater learned the secret early on that emptying his testicles would free his free mind. Kelly started fucking early and often. Championships followed.

With Kelly possibly leaving the ASP, Jordy will have to deal with the groupies by himself. That’s pressure. So if you happen to see Jordy at an event, pull him off to the side and give him a quick rub and tug and we will all enjoy the ASP that much more.

Pipe Cleaned = Top Performance

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