Rusty near Bogota
Editors Note: Rusty Steele has completed his trip to Colombia. However, his drunk ass is taking his time finishing his articles and SENDING THEM IN!!!! So, here is another installment of Steele in Colombia.
Eugene Gets Lucky
“Would you get that fucking surfboard out of my face? Manny, what the hell were you thinking bringing this Fuknutz with you? This is a jeep or almost a jeep if you ignore the fact it has only one fender and one sorry ass headlight”
But hees my friend. We want to party, find chicas. You no want to find chicas?
“Chicas yes. Jack Daniels yes. A shower…I need to get this cow shit smell off me. You and your cheap ass airline.”
That big blond asshole was sprawled over his surfboard. The front of it was stuck between the seats and the fucker kept sliding into me at every turn and bump in the road, and man there were a crazy ass bunch of bumps. We made the turn into town and Manny hit the brakes and suddenly I had this big ass head of blond hair in my lap. Now I am feeling a bit in need of some company but this is not what I had in mind.
Fuknutz Cereal
His surfboard was shoved against my arm and his elbow landed in my belly button as he was thrown head first into the front seat. Crazy fucker.
“Get the hell off me! Manny pull over, I need this jackass off my balls. Dammit Eugene will you stop moving. What’s the matter with you Manny, pull this fucker over!”
Si, si amigo. The bar….eez not far…you can wait?
Manny
By this time Eugene’s head is between my knees, his arms are down around my ass and I’m holding on to his waist because his ass keeps banging into my jaw. The surfboard is still digging into my arm but I can’t do a damn thing because I have six feet of idiot lying on top of me face down….oh shit…this doesn’t look good. I hope no one fucking sees me.
Manny, we can’t go to the fucking bar…just find a fucking side street and park this fucking jeep.
Eez not far…
I don’t fucking care, this asshole is heavy and he’s breathing on my nuts. I can’t believe this fucker is sleeping through this. Manny, find a fucking street and park this piece of shit!
Si amigo….eez not far…
Rusty & Eugene Passout
I tried to move Eugene away from my crotch and Manny hit another bump. Eugene’s head now slips to the floor of the jeep and the surfboard goes flying off the back. I’m left holding an upside down surfer with my arms around his waist and my head looking through his straight up in the air legs….and he still doesn’t wake up. Must be some good shit. And Manny is still driving and people are looking, shit this is embarrassing. I could just throw him out…
Manny turns on the gas, flips a half U onto some dirt alley with nothing but palm trees and dirt and well nothing.
“Amigo see …not far”
“Right Manny…now help me get this fuckerz off me….oh shit…not now…”
A fine red Mustang convertible pulls up next to the jeep with some bitchin’ babes and here I am clutching this asshole like he’s my long lost acrobatic lover. This really sucks.
Hotness
A fine looking blond babe with shorts and crop top and big tits gets out and pulls a surfboard out of the back seat. “Hey, I think you lost something. Hey is that Eugene? The surfer…oh my gosh it is!” They start doing that girly squeal thing, even though how they could recognize him from his ass…
Now under any other circumstance I would be up and ready for this fine babe but with this asshole in my crotch I am just fucking embarrassed. Eugene’s legs are still pointing skyward and he’s still out cold. Then…I had an idea….
“Yep, that’s Eugene, and that’s his board. He’s just had a bit too much Jack D and shit and needs some TLC real bad. If you gals want to take him, I’m sure you’ll get his autograph, maybe more.”
More squeals…”Yes, yes, yes!!!!”
Manny pulls Eugene off me and we each take one end and carry the fucker over to their car and pour him into the back seat. The surfboard goes with him and the two giggling gals take off with their prize. Finally; no more asshole.
Manny is grinning. “He wanted chicas. Muy bonitas. He get luckeee. Mi amigo Rusty, you want to get luckee now?”
“No Manny, I want a fucking shower and a fifth of Jack Daniels and I want to get out of this crappy jeep. Find me a hotel or something you crazy fuckerz.”
Eeez not far.
Yah, Manny, Eeez not far.
-RS
