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Editor’s Note: Rusty Steele is on assignment somewhere near Cali, Colombia. We have received our first communicated transmission from Steele He’s using the Sat phone to communicate but it’s signal is very weak due to the dense jungles. Here’s his transmission…
El Plane Ees Landing
The buzz of the propeller not three feet from my throbbing Jack Daniels induced headache was driving me around the bend. I was half asleep until the latest bump of turbulence sent that same pounding part of my anatomy into the low ceiling of this high mileage rust bucket. The fact that two light covers fell off at the same time was not encouraging. What the hell am I doing here? Down below there’s nothing but fucking jungle.
I know there is cocaine in that damn jungle. Manny told me about the coke farms in Medellin and Cali. Come on down he says. We’ll have a great time. Lots of chicas. Muy bonita. Cervezas. Porque you no come down and see Manny. I have a story for you, grande story. Mi amigo, eese not far.
Like hell eese not far. I’ve been on this plane for fucking ever.
“Senor Rusty, atencion. Nosotros aterrrizaremos pronto. Ponga por favour sus cinturones de seguridad.”
“Ok you got my attention. Now what the hell are you trying to say?”
“Ponga sus cinturones de suguiridad.”
“What the hell is a ponga? Hey are we going down? Those fucking trees are getting closer. Oh, there’s a field. Look at the cows down there! I hate cows!”
“Senor Rusty. Por favour, ponga sus cinturones de seguiridad. El plane ees landing.”
“What the fuck do you mean we’re landing? That’s a field. With cows. And cowshit. Why are you pointing at my lap? Is my damn fly undone? Your plane really sucks. Manny I am going to keelll you when I get on the ground.”
“El plane ees landing.”
“I know! The plane ees landing! I can tell. I’ve bounced against this ceiling so many times my hair has a permanent flat top. Oh my head! Why are you pointing at my lap? Leave me the hell alone and fly the damn plane. Oh, seatbelt…why didn’t you say so? Look, you’re too low. Oh no were going to hit a cow!”
“Moooooo……”
“El plane ees landed.”
“No shit. I need a fucking drink. Where’s that asshole Manny????”
